Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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