is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
