So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Fuck appropriateness.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
