i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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