not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He told me they were just razor bumps!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I don't deserve a penis
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
