So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
