Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
