living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
