did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
