White coat. Heels.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
