Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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