Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
