Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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