dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
