i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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