Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
