There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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