he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We just shotgunned beers for America
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
