I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
