Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
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