I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
