**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
