smell my finger.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
