he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
