Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
