Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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