Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
