I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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