Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
