I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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