I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Hippo gnu deer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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