im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
