at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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