I think im going to throw up on grandma
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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