I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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