can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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