She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
