good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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