And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
