I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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