I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
