when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
