non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
