So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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