you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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