Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
