Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
