i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
