i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
