Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
