So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
