i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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