dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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