i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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