It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
