Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
