My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
