I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
