Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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