I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
