so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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