And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
