When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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